Millennial Sisyphus keeps entering all the information from his resume into the web form, only for it to delete everything when he tries to move to the next page. He just goes back and types it all up again, over and over again, forever, and he never gets a job.
Millennial Tantalus has been promised that his unpaid internship will become a paid position as soon as the company has space for him. Every week he sees their new job posting. Every week he asks his boss if he can have a real job. The boss shrugs apologetically and says he’ll just have to make do with being paid in experience a little longer. He goes back and keeps working, over and over again, forever, and he never reaches the fruits of his labors.
Millennial Persephone can’t get a job without a degree, but because she had to take out loans to pay for college, she must spend 1/3 of her life working just to pay them off.
Millennial Cassandra’s title is Social Media Coordinator, she was hired to be the expert, but every time she tries to explain the problems in her company’s social media decisionmaking, the managers don’t listen…and end up hiring expensive PR flacks to repair the damage to their reputation when things blow up exactly as she predicted.
Millennial Medusa uses multiple shades of primer and opaque foundation to cover the scars snaking across her face, hiding the bruises, aligning the asymmetry in her broken nose and jaw. Red matte on the lips, green shimmer on the lids. Flawless liner on the first try. She’s had lots and lots of practice. She films her transformation in secret for all to see and learn, and again, men are turned to anonymous stone faces screaming in horror. “Liar!” “Witch!” “Take her swimming on the first date!” These words do not discourage her. These words are a challenge. GlamGorgonXx posts another video.
Millennial Prometheus uploads another PDF to his site. He’s lost track of the printing and edition of this textbook. He knows they just rearranged some of chapters then charge 150 dollars per copy, and the professor wrote the book himself. the ZIP fills uploads successfully, and he starts uploading the next one. He isn’t afraid of the potential lawsuit. knowledge shouldn’t held out of reach like this.
Millennial Circe screenshots all the lewd messages she gets from men on online dating sites and posts them on her very popular Instagram along with their pictures and usernames. When people accuse her of attempting to destroy their reputations, she insists she’s just revealing them for the pigs they truly are.
Millennial Icarus has a Master’s degree. He applies for a graduate job. He is rejected without being offered so much as feedback on his CV. He applies for another graduate job, at a slightly less prestigious firm. The result is the same. Another. The same. Wash, rinse, repeat. He remembers the advice his tutor gave him: ‘the job market is saturated with people like you. That’s just how it is. Don’t be ashamed to apply for entry level positions and work your way up. You don’t always have to aim high.’ He puts his degree certificate in his desk drawer, looks at it guiltily, and turns the key. He applies for five jobs one afternoon; in shops, bars, offices. Decent, paid work. He is rejected four times without recall, and once on his way out of the building after a decent enough interview. The weeks pass. He applies. He is rejected. Wash, rinse, repeat. Icarus’ shoes, the smart, shiny black ones he bought in preparation for meetings with potential employers, gather dust at the bottom of his wardrobe. And he forgets the rest of the advice his tutor gave him: ‘you are worth more than just your time. Never settle for somewhere that won’t recompense you. Don’t let them use you. You can aim too low, too.’ He applies for an unpaid internship; six months, no salary, no expenses, an hour commute, no job guarantee. He loses the key to his desk drawer. The shoes he bought gather more dust; he won’t wear them, they look ridiculous, shoes which cost money to go to a job which pays none. He remembers that his tutor told him: ‘if you aim too high, you’ll only fall further.’ He forgets that his tutor told him: ‘if you aim too low, you’ll never crawl your way back up.’ And Millennial Icarus never falls, because he never flies.
Does anyone else ever feel like they’ve lost literally all motivation and all you want to do is curl up in a ball in bed and eat junk and watch films and avoid all other responsibilities for like 37 years or so
Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me
the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it
not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion
This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs
wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!
My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.
Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it.
My cats are indoor cats. Being indoor cats, they can’t go outside to hunt for food (mice, rats, birds, etc) to gift to my sister and I.
But they know that the kitchen has food. They know where the easily accessible cat food is. And obviously my sister and I are just Really Big Stupid Hairless cats.
So if my sister and I go without leaving our rooms for too long? My cats will sit outside our doors and scream for our attention, lead us to their food bowls, and then only stop the screaming and leading once they see us sit down at the table and eat something. Because they think we’re hungry.
Your cats are the sweetest beings on the Earth, it makes my heart warm knowing that they exist. They love you very much and they care so much, they want you healthy and happy and will make sure you don’t neglect yourself and oh god they are so perfect. Real pure love exists, I am happy to be alive today.
My neighbor is a hardcore drunk. Like, 9am and dude is drinking vodka, but he had a cat that’s pretty much his honest to god caregiver because I have seen this cat visibly screaming at this man to keep him from hurting himself and sometimes when he hasn’t been outside for a while, the cat will scream at my door until I go outside to knock on the door to check on him. Cats are literal angels.
I have a cat named a Kitty Pryde who has an extra thumb and these giant paws and while she’s not super bright she did learn that she likes being pet. So I must like being petted right? So if I’m watching TV alone she’ll come up and just with her giant paw gently stroke my arm or hand until I pet her back and she waits and pets me again and it goes on a while. Cats are angels.
My cat once stuffed my bath mat into the litter box
Mine wakes me up if I sleep in too long cuz she wants me to take my pills. Fiance said she was yelling at him all day yesterday. She stopped whwn I got home…and asked him if he tooks his meds. He hadn’t.
My girlie screams at me if she thinks I’m up past bedtime. Apparently this transfers to my new roommates too: Maeve led @katculator to her room, yelled until she was under the covers, then came back to the kitchen to do the same to me.
My kid went home to a friend’s house after school one day but at the time they normally come home our cat went out to meet them and when Kiddo didn’t turn up I had a cat yell at me as if to say “WHERE IS THE SMALL HUMAN!? THEY SHOULD BE HOME BY NOW!!! WHY AREN’T YOU WORRIED!?!”
Related note the only member of the family she lets pet her when she’s outside is Kiddo. The rest of us can pet her when she gets inside.
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